I have just received my final course results, which I am slightly stunned about as I was under the impression we would not be getting them until March.

I got 76% for my second assignment, which means my overall mark is 76% as well!!

 
I am over the moon, especially as I was writing out of my proverbial comfort zone for my second assignment.  I said I would be happy with any mark over 70% as this is, according to my university graduate friends, apparently equivalent to a First Degree!  Ideally, though, I did not want to dip below my mark for the first assignment – and I haven’t, so am well chuffed.

I really couldn’t be happier with such a result.  I learned so much from the course, and what I will take away from it cannot be quantified by percentage grades.  I gleaned so many tips on how to write better, as well as skills such as time management and self-discipline.

...I have just submitted my final assignment!!!  I have read the bloody thing over and over and grown so sick of checking every comma and over-editing it that I just had to get rid.  In the last few days I have really grown sick of it all.  I have had to restrict my work to mornings because in the evenings I have felt so tired I haven’t been physically able to do more than about half an hour’s work.

So that’s the Start Writing Fiction course over for me then.  I can’t quite believe it.  These 12 weeks have sped by.  I have learned so much and regained a lot of my confidence, which was on the floor at the beginning of the course.

Having said that, it has been an intense course and just the right length for me.  I don’t know how people study for degrees, to be honest.  I am not a natural academic; I don’t always find it easy to apply myself to studies.  Obviously this was a subject which interested me, but if a subject doesn’t I simply can’t force myself to sit down and cram for it.  I am far too easily distracted.

Now I have to wait until March – MARCH!!! – for the dreaded final result.  No point spending the next two months fretting about it, though, I suppose.  I may as well forget about it and get on with my life until result day, when I will no doubt be in oceans of tears.

It seems weird to think the course is over, just like that.  Obviously with distance learning you are never going to get the interaction and camaraderie of college, so there will be no fanfare because we’ve finished.  It’s slightly strange to suddenly have my evenings and early mornings free again, after three months of working to my self-imposed timetable.

So what now?  I never sit still for long.  Obviously I’m still very keen on tai chi, and I plan plenty of walking and swimming, to shift the weight I’ve put on during my sedentary study period.  I fancy doing a wine tasting course as well, and some kind of orienteering or map/compass reading course, which might assist me in finding my way across the wild and lovely Peak District.

Writing-wise, I now feel brave enough to have another go at The Four Matthews, that difficult fourth novel I was planning to start last year.  I also started writing a shortie called Flash Harry, for submission to a women’s mag, which I didn’t quite get around to finishing.

I received very positive comments from the tutor for my last tutorial.  For that exercise I used the intro to my second novel All the Rage, which was typical chicklit.  I can’t get complacent of course, and hardly dare hope that my eTMA gets bestowed with a similar level of praise.

I suppose it just shows that I write best when I am producing my typically light and fluffy stories.  Ronni’s Reprisal, as I decided in the end to call my eTMA piece, represented a huge step outside my comfort zone.  But will it pay off...?

Sorry for the recent lack of updates, which has been due to working hard on my dreaded final assignment.

At times this week I have approached meltdown.  It was almost reminding me of my traumatic A-level experience (if any studying experience ever could be that bad) during which I put my poor parents through hell with my strops and throwing of textbooks down stairs.

Obviously, unlike A-levels, I chose to undertake this course so can’t really complain.  It doesn’t stop me, though!!  No, joking apart, I have learned a lot in these last 12 weeks and certainly don’t regret my spell as an OU student.  The discipline involved, and the tips I have picked up, have bucked up my confidence and taught me to love writing again.  It’s just that the pressure of assignments gets to me, as did exam stress back in the day.

My story, which may end up being entitled as per the title of this blog entry, focuses on Veronica ‘Ronni’ Pyke, a convicted stalker who writes a very deluded letter to her prison pen pal!  Nice and light then.  Actually it marks a huge departure from my traditional chicklit style and observational humour.  I know not whether the OU dole out marks for risk-taking, but I am not being afraid to admit to the tutors that I am taking a large step outside of my proverbial comfort zone.

I have reached the stage of being heartily sick of the thing, have had a hell of a week writing and editing it and now just want rid.  I absolutely dread the final results, though.

My hubby and I went for a bike ride this afternoon, our first in months, right across Sutton Park.  It was exhilarating, although I am distinctly out of shape following months in which most of my exercise has been of the cerebral rather than physical variety.  I could literally lie down right now and go to sleep.  My old legs are like the proverbial jelly.  I have been so embroiled with the OU course, I have sadly neglected my more athletic pursuits such as walking and cycling.

There are now less than two weeks left of the course, and I am working hard – and panicking – over my 1,500-word eTMA, for which most of the overall marks are allocated.

I have written the storyline all out, in a very rough format (emphasis at present on the 'rough'), so that I have everything I vaguely want to say in black and white in front of me.  I am now going to go over it, brushing up the manuscript into a readable and articulate format.  This is the technique I have used for years and which always works for me.

I don’t quite know what possessed me to do this, but I am telling the story of a deluded psycho writing a letter to her prison pen pal, detailing her obsession with the man she still believes to be her boyfriend, who is in fact the victim of her cyberstalking!  I am writing well out of my comfort zone, as they say on X Factor and Strictly, which may or may not turn out to be a good thing.

I finally have an idea for an eTMA story.  It actually incorporates several of the suggested themes: prison, music, a letter and possibly also passion and a knife!  I won't outline the plot as yet, though.

It was quite late yesterday afternoon when this idea struck me, as a result of my brainstorming and note-making.  The feeling when I finally got my ‘Eureka!’ moment was incredible.  I always have such a sense of relief and of everything falling into place when ‘it’ finally occurs to me.

The lure of The Chart Show on YouTube is still often proving too tempting when I really ought to be spending time working.  Those indie charts and dance charts from 1990/1991 are so addictive to watch.  You literally feel yourself becoming sucked in.

It’s incredible how vividly certain music from that era stirs up early teenage memories.  I only have to hear, for example, You Got the Love by Candi Staton or Justified and Ancient by KLF, and I’m 14 again, all hormones and Monster Munches.

Woo-hoo – the Strictly final is tonight!!  And yes, I shall be voting for the delightful Tom and Camilla.

I have completed my OU coursework!  Yes, I know I have got ahead of myself but I wanted to finish working through the exercises on the course website by Christmas, so I can thereafter concentrate purely on the big and scary second eTMA, which counts for 70% of the overall mark and has to be submitted by 23rd January.

I still have no clue what to write for eTMA 02.  Our task is to do a 1,500-word story which contains time-shift and dialogue – and one or more of the following subjects: honour, passion, hair, shame, music, abandonment, prison, a letter, a musical instrument or a knife!!

I need to sit down over Christmas and have a serious brainstorm of ideas that these random topics suggest to me.  I am still half hoping inspiration will strike me in my sleep.

It has been a brilliant course.  I have learned a lot.  I just hope I will now have the confidence to continue writing once I’m out on my own, as it were, free of the limitations and discipline of the course exercises.

I have decided I feel a bit better about my OU result.  I got 30 out of 33 for Flying Like Superman, which I am well chuffed with, and 23 out of 33 and 34 respectively for the Ellery Crisp piece and the Croatian one.

My tutor told me I ‘write with clarity and skill’ and ‘understand the connection between character and atmosphere.’  She said Bruno in my Croatian story was such a vivid character, she wondered whether he is one I had been previously developing.  He actually isn’t, I created him purely for that assignment, so I was flattered by her assumption.

Her main criticism was that I ought to keep things a bit simpler when writing to restrictive word counts, and cut down on excessive backstory.  I agree with her – I do tend to over-complicate storylines.  I am so paranoid about my work coming across as ‘boring’ that I try to cram in too much story.

So really I can’t complain about my result.  I have chatted with fellow OU students on the course forum, and quite a few achieved similar marks.  At least the criticisms were just, unlike certain reviews I’ve received this year which were simply rude and vitriolic.

The results are in for the first eTMA.  Not surprisingly I was shaking when I opened the marked piece this morning.  I got 76%, which apparently counts as a ‘good pass.’  I am really not sure whether to be happy with that.

I am sitting here at the kitchen table feeling pretty dazed, letting it sink in and not sure whether to cry or not!  Deep down, I know I would have liked to do better.  I guess mediocre marks are the story of my life.  I never scored streams of straight As at school – I used to pass, but always with Bs and Cs.

Jennie, the tutor, gave me good comments overall, especially for Flying Like Superman, though said my vicar piece and the Croatian Christmas one were ‘too big for the word count’ and needed simplifying.

I won’t be doing any more courses, that’s for sure – way too stressful.

My three eTMA 01 pieces – Flying Like Superman, the Ellery Crisp character sketch and Sretan Božić Bruno – are complete to what I consider to be the best of my ability.  I am now sick of looking at them.

I hate to sound pretentious, but creativity genuinely takes a lot out of me.  I feel sapped after living and breathing this assignment for what I can’t believe has only been a week.  I find it all very intense and headache-inducing.  I can see why I never went to university (among many other reasons).

In terms of difficulty, I struggled most with the Croatian story, the one based on a radio story.  One of the requirements was to write this one without dialogue, which to me felt very unnatural.  I enjoy writing conversation, and without it I feel this piece is flat.  The character sketch was OK, as I was recycling a character I’ve written of before, but as I said earlier Flying Like Superman surprised me by being fun to do.

I am not anticipating brilliant marks, yet don’t feel I can add anything further to the stories.  They meet the word count and my name is at the top of the page – hopefully I shall at least get marks for those things!  During GCSEs and A-levels, I was always paranoid about scrawling my name at the top of every sheet.  Having worked so hard on the creative side of things, I would kick myself to death were I to be penalised now on such petty points.

For the benefit of non-Croatian readers, the above means ‘Merry Christmas Mr Sanader’ – Ivo Sanader being the Prime Minister of Croatia, who due to the credit crunch has taken the decision to ban public sector workers in his country from having office Christmas parties and exchanging Christmas cards with their colleagues!!

So now you know.

It is also going the title of my final piece for the OU eTMA, the ‘fictionalise a story you hear on the radio’ one.  I’m going to write from the point of view of a disappointed civil servant whose Christmas party plans have been scuppered.

I have never been to Croatia, and until an hour ago knew next to nothing about the country.  My preparation for this story involved a spot of online research, about common Croatian names, attractions and landmarks, and even Croatian working hours.  It just goes to show the level of background work that needs to go into even the shortest of fiction.

To my surprise, I completed my ‘busy street from a child’s point of view’ story, which I’ve called Flying Like Superman, this afternoon.

I would LOVE to gain a respectable mark for this story, as I actually feel rather proud of it.  I was, as they say on X Factor, well out of my comfort zone, but sometimes these more challenging stories can end up proving pleasurable to write.

Tomorrow I shall make a start on the ‘news story’ one.

I finished my ‘character sketch’ part of the eTMA and have made a start on the next part of the assignment, set in a busy city street written from a child’s eye view.  The story is supposed to kick off just after something has happened in this busy street.

It sounds gruesome, but for my ‘thing that has just happened’ I have decided to have somebody commit suicide by jumping off the roof of a multi-storey car park.  Bear with me, I think the idea could work.  There will be no gore, the little girl narrator sees a grown man apparently fly off a roof and wonders if he’s Superman.

This was the piece I was probably dreading writing most of all but, as is often the way, I am surprising myself by getting into it.  A story from a young child’s viewpoint is something I would never write by choice, but for a change it is actually quite freeing having to use simple language.

I’m going to finish this piece over the weekend, then from Monday to Wednesday work on the fictionalisation of a radio news story.

The official eTMA deadline is a week today (Friday), but the OU really like you to submit at least 24 hours in advance, in case of computer problems.  Only next Thursday is Nathan’s birthday.  I do not intend spending my husband’s birthday on the computer, so will have to submit it Wednesday evening instead.  Aarrghh, panic!!

I will be so glad to get the assignment submitted and out of the way, though.  I’ve had the same stressful feeling I used to experience while revising for my exams at school.  I actually used to grow bored of feeling nervous, and desperate to get the exam done and dusted.  Unfortunately the panic used to take over and prevent me doing myself total justice in the exam.

I really hope my silly nerves don’t scupper my chances on this course.  It means so much to me, and is certainly a hell of a lot more pleasurable than bloody A-levels.  I set out with the aim of attaining wonderful results, though I suppose in practice I will be happy to simply pass.

That’s the trouble, I suppose, with this issue of mine with my nerves taking over.  The need to complete the task starts to outweigh my perfectionism.  I do not always respond well to pressurised situations.

I have completed one part of the first OU eTMA, the 500-word character sketch, which I did first as I thought it might be the (relatively) ‘easy’ bit.  I have chosen an existing character of mine, the Reverend Ellery Crisp from my novel Gap Year.  He is pretty fun to write about.

I feel I have done the best I can with the ‘talents’ and limitations at my disposal.  At school I was never the type to achieve runs of straight As and I am scared of having worked marked again.  I would be over the moon to attain a high mark – say 80% or over – although in practice am sure I will be relieved to simply pass.

This eTMA has three parts to it, each one a 500-word task.  For the others we are asked to write a story from the point of view of a child, set in a busy city street where something dramatic has just happened – and then turn on the radio and write a piece which fictionalises an event mentioned on the news!

I feel absolutely drained again after another day doing coursework.  Much as I like the work, I am starting to hate this aching, tired, irritable feeling I get at the end of a Sunday (for some reason I seem more raring to go during the week).  It sounds pathetic, but I actually ache, I suppose from leaning over the laptop for such long periods.

For today’s tasks I wrote a 200-word description of a character’s bedroom, which is supposed to reveal character, and then two 250-word views of a supermarket, from the point of view of firstly a woman who has just received a promotion at work and then the same woman who has just ended a love affair.  They were good exercises.

Tomorrow I must start work on the first eTMA, which I admit I am absolutely dreading.  It has to be handed in by a week next Friday, so I can’t hang about.  I hate this panicky feeling I get when I have a deadline.  I want to do so well in these assignments; I am so afraid of rushing and blowing my chances.

I have done two hours coursework today (which mainly consisted of catching up with the discussions I missed in the forums when I was out all day yesterday at my friend's 30th birthday party) and have decided that frankly I’ve had enough for today so am enjoying a cup of coffee while watching last night’s Strictly Come Dancing episode on BBC iPlayer.

I am well ahead of where I need to be, and am no longer fretting about finding time to complete all the work.  I have already proved I can easily fit this course into my life, and two weeks in am feeling so much more confident.  So I fancied a more relaxing Sunday.

I’m feeling ambivalent about the course today.

On the one hand, I’m steaming ahead through the activities on the course website and actually wondering whether I’m doing them too quickly.

Then on the other hand, when I get a task like the 500-word ‘character’ piece I struggle and almost want to weep with frustration.  I think I panicked at the weekend.  Funnily enough, I seem to get my best work done during the week, an hour before I go to work and two hours during the evening.  I seem more focused in those two hours than I manage to be when I have the whole of a Saturday or Sunday at my disposal.

One of the tasks I did last night asked us to write a character sketch about a character very similar to ourselves but with a ‘dramatic external alteration’ – i.e. they could be much older/younger or the opposite sex.  It was a very interesting exercise.  I enjoy these short little bursts where I can just let myself go like that; it’s the 500-word epics I seem to flounder with.

I couldn’t quite picture myself as a man, so decided to write about me aged 73, or Agnes as I called myself.  This Agnes is a sprightly retired legal secretary who finally had her first novel published at the age of 60 and now devotes her much welcome free time to writing.  She is also an active member of the local ramblers association and has also been a practitioner of tai chi for over 40 years.  She lives in a beautiful retirement bungalow in Sutton Coldfield with her husband of 43 years, Nathaniel, and their beloved cat Vienna III.

So there you go!!

I feel drained after an intense weekend working on my ‘write 500 words in the voice of a character’ exercise, which I have called Cyril and Hilda’s Story.

The story has been driving me mad for the last two days, to the extent that I don’t feel I have really had a weekend.  I’ve been totally immersed in it; frustrated at how long it has taken me and at the difficulty I’ve had keeping it within the 500-word limit.  I managed to lop it down for the OU, but the version on my blog www.leighmathers.wordpress.com is the expanded one as I feel it does greater justice to the story I was attempting to tell.

I know I ought not to moan, since I chose to undertake this course, and I am reaping many benefits from it in other ways.  I guess I am going to have ups and downs, the same with any course.

I have another 500-word exercise to complete, a tutorial, for which we are asked to tell a story from a character’s childhood.  I’m sure I feel like plunging into another long piece just yet.  I may continue with the coursework, progressing through a few of the shorter activities, before going back to do that one.

I hope I don’t become so frustrated and disheartened with the tutor-marked assignments, which actually count towards our final grade.  I am aiming for brilliant marks on this course; I would hate to be left with the feeling of just wanting to finish a piece because I’m fed up with it.

This was my OU exercise for the day:

“Set your alarm for tomorrow at least half an hour earlier than usual, go straight to your writing desk and begin.  Before you go to sleep, choose one word from the following: garden, child, library, love, car, winter holiday. When you wake, start to write about your chosen word.”

I chose ‘winter holiday,’ before I went to bed last night as directed, got up at 5:45 this morning and before brewing coffee or even having a wash started scribbling without much of a clue where I was heading.  I ended up producing a stream of consciousness on the subject of skiing, or specifically my not exactly successful attempts at learning the sport.

I started the piece off by saying I had no story to share, but clearly I did after all.  Such is the beauty of these exercises.  They encourage you to start writing, to just write anything, to free up the unconscious, to not wait to be inspired.  What I committed to my computer screen this morning may not be Jane Austen, but I feel a healthy sense of ‘getting it all out.’

A lot of writers say they achieve their best work early in the morning.  Apparently it’s something to do with being in close proximity to their dreams!  I don’t know about that, but I certainly am a morning person, much more than I used to be at any rate.  In my dim and distant student days, I rarely saw mornings at all as midday lie-ins were my norm.  It’s a different story nowadays.

It was slightly surreal sitting there unwashed at the kitchen table (AKA my work desk) in my dressing gown and unsexy socks typing away.  There was something quite fun and faintly reckless about it too.

I feel as though today has been productive.

My books arrived today, from the bookbinders.  I have had my novels Classmates and Gap Year professionally bound (five copies of each), and have to say I am over the moon with the result.  OK, they aren’t quite published yet, but from a distance they look like real proper grown-up hardback books!  The work was not cheap, but was well worth every penny.

My coursework has gone well today too.  I temporarily abandoned the ‘write 500 words in the voice of a character’ task which was stumping me yesterday and moved on to the next one.  In fact I’ve completed two, much more inspiring activities today.

The first asked us to pick up a newspaper, choose one news item and write 50 words (which is not much at all really) as though from the point of view of someone involved in the story.

For the second exercise we are asked to keep an ongoing note of our concerns in life – hopes, fears and interests – which could potentially form themes for future stories.  I have noted down quite a lot so far, and it is proving very cathartic.

The idea of these varied tasks is to look at the different inspiration sources used by authors.  Sometimes a news story might act as a trigger (as the wedding of Britain’s oldest couple did for me, when I came up with a short story called A Civil Wedding last year); sometimes an object; sometimes word association; sometimes simply a line or image.  Each method will not suit every writer.  The maxim “what works for you, works” is very much a theme of this course.

Taking the pressure off myself about completing yesterday’s task also seems to have helped.  I think, without trying today, that I may have thought of a suitably unusual character to write about.

I am currently buzzing with adrenalin, in a way I haven’t done for probably months.  I am beginning to think I was right: that enrolling on this course could prove to be one of the best things I have ever done.

I don’t feel I have progressed so swiftly with the coursework today.
I worked through three of the tasks – one of which was to critique the opening passages of Toni Morrison’s novel Jazz, which I really enjoyed – then came somewhat unstuck.  We have been asked to write 500 words in the voice of a character telling a story about either him/herself or another person.  The piece is supposed to be quite telling, making the narrator come to life through their language, thoughts and pattern of speech.

I spent a very long time brainstorming, listing a few of the many wacky characters I’ve met in my own life whom I might adapt (after changing names to protect the guilty, of course) into a fictional protagonist with a tale to tell.  Unfortunately the inspiration was not forthcoming.

I even took myself off for a lie down at one point (no sniggering please, I was on my own), hoping inspiration might magically strike me if I shut my eyes and concentrated.  I succeeded only in virtually nodding off, and had to drag myself up before a catnap rendered me unable to sleep tonight (I hate sleepless Sunday nights, which result in me feeling wrecked and grumpy all through Monday).

I have considered expanding one of the characters from my existing novels into a scene, but that strikes me as a tad lazy.  I’d feel like cheating.  I enrolled on this course with the aim of doing something new.

These are the sort of points at which my shaky confidence is and will continue to be tested.  I detest writer’s block.  This is the aspect of the course I was dreading.

I did start working through the course material a little early, though, so am not panicking yet.  I may have to postpone this activity, carry on through the remaining ones in the block and return to it later.  No point wasting time staring at a blank screen or twiddling my pen and scribbling crap in my journal.

In theory these activities given to us are not compulsory.  We are not marked on them – only the two tutor marked assignments count towards our final grade – but they are good practice.  There is, I suppose, little point signing up for the course if you don’t intend deriving as much benefit as possible from it by completing all the tasks.

Ah well.  I’ve logged off the OU website now, and turned my attentions to the altogether more straightforward task of preparing the Sunday roast.  I can cope with cooking.